The 5 Love Languages

Book #3 for the summer is The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This one was given to me for Christmas. I’d always wanted to read it because I’ve heard a lot about it and I’m quite interested in these relationship things 🙂

Gary Chapman is a marriage counsellor and psychologist. Over the years as he’s helped couples save their marriages he discovered what he calls love languages.  There’s 5 different ways in which people feel loved, but 1 always speaks louder than the others. This one is your primary love language. Couples very seldom have the same primary love language which is where miscommunication happens and problems arise.

Love isn’t a feeling. Love is an active decision to do something for the benefit of someone else and fining joy in that. Love is meeting the deep emotional needs of another person. When you know someone loves you, you have security, self-worth, and significance.

The 5 love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, and Physical Touch. These are fairly self explanatory, but within each language there are different dialects. For example, Words of Affirmation has dialects which include (but not limited to) Encouraging Words, Kind Words, and Humble Words. The use of any of these dialects would make a Words of Affirmation person feel loved, but one would have a bigger effect than the others.

I first heard about love languages when I was a teenager, and I figured out then that mine must be Acts of Service as I was always doing something for other people. My family is also very strong on Acts of Service, so I learned this language very well. As I was reading this book I kept an open mind as to what my love language could be, and made the exciting discovery that actually, Acts of Service is not my primary love language. This was the chapter which stood out the most: Quality Time. I am good at Acts of Service, but in the past I have used it to gain Quality Time. One of the dialects is Quality Activities, which is definitely me- always wanting to be doing something. This was also confirmed by the few questions asked in one of the chapters, which is to help you work out what your primary love language is. Life makes sense now in Hannah’s World 😀

The book also shows what sorts of things to expect after the wedding, and it has strategies for how to save your marriage and learning to love someone regardless of how they feel about you.

I loved reading this. It’s awesome to have confirmed what meets my emotional need for love, and also to learn about all the other love languages and how to meet the emotional needs of others. I should be pretty good at loving everyone now 🙂

Definitely read this book ! And there’s an online test you can do here to find out your own love language 🙂


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